hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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