i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
