just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
