so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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