Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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