The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
