you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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