i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
