I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
