who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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