Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
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I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
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Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again