Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?