Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.