Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.