Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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