We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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