we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
