either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How does one acquire holy water?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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