i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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