I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
