So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
