i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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