She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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