One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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