Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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