i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I will be naked everywhere
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
