i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
