if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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