I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
