i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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