So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
