think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Buhtt sex?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
