His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
