So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
