I wish my penis had an off switch
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
