Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
