Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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