did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
