i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
