New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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