I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
