i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
