from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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