you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
