the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
