im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
