Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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