Duck Duck Cougar?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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