This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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