So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
