Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
