If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize