He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
