She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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