Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
