I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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