I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
