I'm going to jail i love you
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
