on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
