I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
