"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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