So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
