I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
