hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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