Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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