My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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